You'll Always Have Me
by TickTockNelly
Summary: Nick went back to Texas after Grave Danger, but he still needed the help of one of his closest friends. NS friendshiplittle romance
1. Chapter 1

Post ep for Grave Danger.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI in any way

You'll Always Have Me

TickTockNelly

Some people could pretend that it never happened. That Nick Stokes was alright, but everybody knew that he wasn't. After the ordeal, Nick had left. He had gone to live in Dallas with his family, and they weren't sure if he was coming back. When he did talk to them he seemed distant, like he wasn't sure what to say, but they all knew that no matter what they would be there for him. And so would she.

Sara Sidle got off the airplane at Dallas/Fort Worth International airport with a smile on her face. She had taken two weeks vacation and was intent on seeing Nicky. She was going stir crazy missing him.

Outside the airport were about five cabs waiting for people to take them. She got into one of them and smiled at the middle-aged cabby. "Hi," She said, "You wouldn't happen to know where the Stokes Ranch is, would you? I don't have the address."

"Well of course I know where the Stokes Ranch is," the cabby said with a thick accent. "Everyone in this here city knows where the Stokes Ranch is. Are you from Las Vegas to see our hero Nicholas?"

"Yeah, actually I am," Sara said as he started driving. "How does everyone know about that?"

"Well, seeing as Nicholas is the son of His Honorable Judge Bill Stokes, they aired what happened on our news stations, too. Most here think that he is a hero for surviving, me included. He's a trooper, he is."

Sara smiled. "That he is,"

Next thing she knew, he was pulling up into what had to be a ranch with 100 acres of land at least. The grass was green as could be, there were horses running around the large pen to the left, and stables to the right, and the house was beige with blue trim. It looked like such a perfect home.

The cabby dropped her off and she paid him and said goodbye. She walked up the stairs and took a warm glance at the table and chairs set out on the patio. Leaning on one chair was the acoustic guitar that Sara recognized as Nick's from his house in Las Vegas. With a deep breath Sara knocked on the door.

Barely a minute later, had the door opened to reveal the kind motherly face of Jillian Stokes.

"Miss Sidle," she said shocked, "Come in, please."

Sara entered the house, amazed by how clean and kept it looked. Mrs. Stokes led Sara into the sitting room and they sat down.

"I'm sorry to intrude," Sara said once they were both seated, "But I had to see Nick. I mean, after all this, I just, I'm having trouble believing that he's alright."

"I understand," Mrs. Stokes said, "Nick is outside, it's sort of a therapy for him to be with the horses, it always has been. I'm sure that he'll be very happy to see you. How long do you think that you can stay for? We have a room that you can sleep in as long as you like, just let me know."

"Oh, Mrs. Stokes," Sara said, "I couldn't ask to stay here," she said, "I'll stay in a hotel, I don't want to be a bother."

"Nonsense," Mrs. Stokes persisted, "You will stay here."

"Okay," Sara said with a smile. She turned to go outside when Mrs. Stokes said to her.

"Sara, Nick, I don't know how to explain it, but he looks and acts as if he's lost his soul, his will to live. I hope that you can help him because nothing that I do seems to have helped any."

Sara saw Nick sitting in the horse pen watching the horses, and saw the look of complete shock when he noticed her there. He walked towards her and she noticed the pink scars that were still on his face and arms, and the gigantic bags under his eyes.

"Sara," he said when he got to her. He didn't know what else to say.

Sara wrapped her arms around her friend and cried, and so did he. They cried together at the friendship that they had almost lost, and the love for each other that had almost gone unknown.

THE END


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, it's TickTockNelly, thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. I'm glad you liked the story and even though I didn't plan on continuing it, after so many reviews asking me to I decided to write more. I hope that you enjoy, please review and tell me what you think.

You'll Always Have Me

Chapter 2

TickTockNelly

Nick and Sara finally pulled apart from their embrace after about five minutes, and as soon as they did Nick stepped two feet away, obviously needing distance.

"Nick, are you alright?" Sara asked concerned. "What's wrong?" she stepped toward him not once taking her eyes off of his frightened ones.

"I don't want to," Nick said, shaking his head. "Sara, I don't want you to see me like this."

Sara's eyes were brimming with tears as she reached out and held Nick's hand in hers. "Nicky, I am not going to go away at a time when you most need me."

"No, Sara," Nick pleaded, "I'm a mess, I'm all scarred, I'm scared all the time, I can't take a shower in the bathroom because it's too small and I feel claustrophobic, I have to go down to the lake and wash myself, which isn't a fun thing to do, Sara. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Then how do you want me to see you?" Sara asked.

"As a CSI who can do his job without getting a gun pointed at him, being kidnapped, or getting upset over deaths."

"Nicky, you're not Grissom," Sara told him wholeheartedly.

Nick looked up into her eyes, and then quickly looked away again. "Maybe I should be more like Grissom."

"Nick, Grissom, sometimes, actually almost always is, like a robot. Nobody wants to see you turn into Grissom and nobody wants to see you hurt. We all know that you're hurting and you leave and we have absolutely no chance to help you. We all wanted to help, we all want to speak to you and see you and we don't care, Nicky."

"You don't care that I'm absolutely broken inside?" Nick asked confused.

Sara looked at him sympathetically. "We just want to be here for you." She stepped closer and took both his hands in hers with eyes brimming with tears. "I just want to be here for you. That's all I've ever wanted, and that's all I'll ever want, just you Nicky. Just you."

Nick smiled slightly, "I don't know how much of me there is left."

Sara had tears in her eyes as she said, "Well then let me help you find it."

"Find what?"

"Yourself, Nicky," Sara told him, "You might have a hard time believing this, but I will do anything for you, just as I know that you will do anything for me. We're friends, best friends, and I feel as though ever since the shift broke up that we haven't been as close as usual. But I miss you, Nicky, and I know that I may never completely get the old Nicky back, but any Nicky is fine with me."

"Do you think that it would be possible for me to go back to who I used to be, Sara?" Nick asked her thoughtfully, "I used to love my job, now the thought of it scares me, the thought of you being by yourself at a crime scene, of Catherine, of anyone, scares me so much, Sar, and I don't know what to do."

"Hey, cowboy," Sara said and Nick smiled at the use of her nickname for him. She took hold of his hands and looked him in the eye, "Ever since, well you know police security at crime scenes and the CSI's has increased so much. I don't think anything like that could ever happen again. But if you don't think that you'd be able to come back, then I'm not going to be mad, or try and force anything on you. I care about you and whatever you want is good for me."

Nick smiled his first real smile in a month, "I don't know what I would do without you."

"I can't even imagine living without you, cowboy." Sara replied and pulled him into another hug. She let him go regretfully and looked closely in his eyes, "Are you coming back?"

And that's the end of chapter 2, I hope that you like it. Like I said I wasn't planning on making this go longer, but if you like this chapter and want more review and let me know and I'll write another one. Thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, thanks for the reviews, and thanks Miss Anonymous hp for the advice and I understand where you're coming from about people taking chapter stories too far. I think that I will probably have this extend only a few more chapters for when Sara is in Dallas with Nick and I'll probably end it there with whether he decides to go back or not.

Disclaimer: I do not own any CSI characters, I do however own Nick's sisters and brother and sister-in-law and brothers-in-law, but only mention of one sister in this chapter

Nick Stokes was not your ordinary cowboy. For one thing, he no longer lived in the cowboy state; he lived and worked in Las Vegas. It was there that he met his best friend Catherine Willows, and the woman he loves, Sara Sidle. It was there that he learned how to truly be an amazing CSI, and it was there that he did not want to go back to.

After being buried alive, Nick had thought about a lot of things, mostly about how he hasn't gone very far in his life. How he has no wife, no children. He didn't want to go back to that city, the city that he had never liked, but stayed in because of Sara and Catherine. He wanted to stay here with his family, but he wasn't about to give up his friends. He felt as though he was being torn in two by what he wants and what he fears, both of those being going back to Las Vegas, Nevada.

Sara had been with him in Texas for almost a week now, he taught her how to ride a horse, he showed her around Dallas, and they took a drive around the desert. Almost a therapy for Nick was showing his friend around his home. He didn't talk to her at all about what had happened. He didn't talk to anybody at all about what happened. He couldn't, he couldn't even begin to try and explain what he was feeling. Ever since Nick was nine years old he had been keeping his emotions to himself, with his molestation, reliving it in nightmares, having guns pointed at him, and the entire Nigel Crane fiasco. He had done so well with holding back his tears, holding back the words of explanation, and the nightmares, he knew that nobody knew of his nightly nightmares.

Sara looked at him different now. He hated it; she looked as though he was going to break in two if she touched him, or have a heart attack if she brought up what had happened. After Nigel Crane, everybody had just thought that he had dealt with it, that it hadn't hurt him at all. Nobody seemed to realize that he moved to a new house, bought all new furniture, all new clothes, just so that he wouldn't have to touch anything that Nigel Crane had touched. It had seemed almost like they were so preoccupied with themselves to even care, and he had to admit that it had hurt him deeply. Nick knew that they had been uncomfortable discussing it, and had therefore not brought it up, and he didn't want to talk about it, but he did want to think that they cared.

Nick stood at the moment on the porch, with his guitar in hand, strumming useless chords that slowly strung together to form a melody. He had been playing the guitar ever since he was five years old when his father had bought him this very guitar. Sure, it had been pretty big when he first got it, but he had managed and he loved the guitar. Whenever he was sad or wanted to be alone, he would play his guitar, just useless chords, that was how his family had first known the full blown affect that his being buried alive had had on him. Up until Sara had come, Nick had played the guitar constantly, barely putting it down, and they all knew very well what that meant. Nick didn't like to bother people with his problems, he preferred to help people with theirs, as though theirs were more important than his.

So Nick sat here, Sara had gone shopping with his sister Amy, and strummed a song that he had written when he was fifteen years old about his first girlfriend, Elizabeth. People had always told Nick that he could have made it as a country star, and everyone knew that Nick could have made it as a lawyer, after all he did have a law degree from Harvard from before he decided to be a CSI.

Sara was getting deeply concerned for her friend. The more that she tried to talk to him, the more he would pull away, as though he didn't want to talk about anything. She had brought up Nigel Crane, telling him that he was the first person that they had thought of who would kidnap Nick, and his eyes showed the fear that still came to him whence hearing that name. She knew just from looking at him everyday that he wasn't sleeping, and once she had gone downstairs to see him sitting in front of the television watching a Discovery Channel show on the migration patterns of birds. She knew that he had seen this before, because he was talking along with the show, saying everything the narrator was saying, as, or just before, he was saying it. Another time Sara had gone downstairs at night and found him sitting outside on the porch playing soft melodies on his guitar. She didn't understand what was with his guitar, but he always seemed to be playing it, and she wasn't sure if the old Nicky, her designated 'cowboy' would ever be back.

"It's not something that you can decide on

It's not something that you can say

It's not something that will get better

If you talk about it every day"

"It will always haunt you

A ghost from your past

You'll never stop the nightmares

They're always coming fast"

"Once and a while you see

The way it used to be

And then you know that

It will never be the same again"

Sara listened from the screen door as Nick quietly sang to a song that she knew was obviously written by him, in the middle of the night.

"Can things ever go back?

To the way that they used to be

Can things change again?

Can we see?"

"A love is almost lost

A friendship almost gone

Quiet thought of what would have happened

A never ending sorrow

From deep inside your heart

It's something that only you can understand"

"And as you sit by yourself

In the dark by yourself

You only wonder why it had to be

And as you strum on your guitar

And breathe in the night air

You're truly thankful for the fact that you can breathe"

Sara had tears in her eyes as he finished the song. Nick put down his guitar and put his head in his hands; he was sobbing. And that was how she knew that he was truly broken inside, and that was how she left, on a dark Texas night, deciding that he would be happier thinking that she didn't know about the song he went out and played and sung every dark Texas night.

Okay, that's it for chapter three, I really hope that you like it. I especially liked writing the song. I wanted something to completely express Nick's sadness, and then I thought of the idea of him playing his guitar, and I figured he would write a song so there it is. Please review and tell me what you think. I hope that you guys understood the last line of his song about how he's grateful that he can breathe, and I am practically crying as I'm singing this in my head, but maybe I'm just a wuss.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey, sorry that it's taken me so long to update this, but this is the next installment of You'll Always Have Me, I'm TickTockNelly, and enjoy. Please review!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any CSI characters

Chapter 4

Sara had wanted to talk to Nick about his song and his restless nights, and it had been two days since she had first gone and listened to him sing. She had gone every night since then. She was worried that Nick would turn around and see her at the door, but not so worried that she didn't go.

Nick seemed to almost be healing, on the outside at least. His scars were almost faded thanks to a new cream and she noticed that he was usually smiling. Maybe, she thought, singing that song that he wrote gave him a better perspective on things, made him realize that he can breathe, he is alive, and he does have a future that doesn't involve pain. Sara had to go back to Vegas in five days and she wasn't sure if she was ready to leave Nick, if he was ready for her to leave.

As she walked into the kitchen that morning she found not Mrs. Stokes cooking breakfast, but Nick. She was clearly shocked at the sight. Nick stood at the stove flipping pancakes with ease and cooking eggs and bacon on two other burners. He really looked like he belonged there. She could just see him as a little boy standing on a chair at the counter and helping his mother cook dinner. She smiled.

Nick turned around and found Sara standing in the doorway smiling at him.

"Hey, Sar," He said with as much feeling as he could muster, which wasn't much, "Have a good nights sleep?" he asked.

His question startled Sara out of her reverie, and she replied, "Yes, Nicky, did you?"

He looked at her with questioning eyes, almost as though he were trying to ask her if she knew that he wasn't sleeping. "Yeah," he said, turning back to the stove, "I did, thanks."

Sara's eyes widened and she went over to Nick and grabbed his arm, just as Mr. and Mrs. Stokes were coming to the kitchen.

"What is wrong with you, Nicky," Sara demanded.

Nick turned away from her and the Stokes' kept out of view and listened intently. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"You never lie to me, Nicky," Sara said angrily, "You have never once lied to me, or to anyone on CSI, so why are you lying to me now?"

"I never lied to you," Nick was feeling a little angry now, as well. "Well, Sara, I hate to break it to you, but I did lie to you a few times. After Nigel Crane," he said, and Sara looked at him shocked, "You all kept asking if I was okay and I said that I was but I wasn't, so there, I lied about Nigel Crane."

"Why didn't you tell us how that had affected you Nicky, we wanted to help." Sara asked.

"No you didn't Sara," Nick said, "You wanted to forget that it ever happened because you all found it awkward to talk about."

"Nicky, that's not true," Sara said, although she knew it was.

"Catherine is always telling me that I should be more open with people and tell them what is bothering me instead of just talking about what is bothering them, well fine, then, let's talk about me."

"When I was nine years old I was molested by my babysitter, Sara, someone I should have been able to trust. After that I kept to myself, much preferring privacy. When I was on the Dallas police force I was shot in the leg. After I moved to Vegas, I got held at gunpoint by Amy Hendler, Nigel Crane stalked me and tried to kill me twice, killed someone in my house and almost committed suicide in my house. And then, two months ago I was buried alive and was almost eaten to death by fire ants. I don't know Sara, are those all things that you want to be talking about, because nobody really ever wants to talk about those things, Catherine feels awkward talking about those things."

Sara (and the Stokes' in the hall) had tears in their eyes. "It wasn't in your file, being molested," she whispered.

"That's because the first person I ever told about that was Catherine, two years ago," he said, "And you're the second." He too had tears in his eyes as he brushed past Sara, was shocked to see his parents, but still continued on his way to his room as Sara collapsed into a seat at the kitchen table crying.

Hey, I know that it was short so sorry about that, but I hope that you liked it. I wanted in this chapter to be a little more open with Sara about what was bothering Nick, and I figured that seeing as Sara is so stubborn it wouldn't be hard to get her into a fight with Nick. Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry it took so long to update, but I was in England so I couldn't write. I hope that you like this final installment to 'You'll Always Have Me', I really enjoyed writing this story and I hope that you guys have enjoyed reading it. If you could please review one last time I would like to know your thoughts. Thanks so much, TickTockNelly.

Disclaimer: I do not own any CSI characters

Chapter Five:

Sara stood still in the kitchen, feeling paralyzed to the spot, tears running down her cheeks. She just couldn't seem to comprehend what Nick had just told her, it was so terrible to think like that of all Nick had been through, and now she truly understood that this time it would not be so easy for Nick to heal himself, and she also understood that it was obvious that Nick had never once healed from anything.

She turned to look as Nick's sobbing parents entered the kitchen and made their way to sit down at the table. They didn't know where Nick had went; he had gone upstairs for a moment before they heard him come back down and leave the house.

Mrs. Stokes was hysterical, crying as though she would never be able to stop. Her head in her hands and her face red, she cried for what seemed like hours but for what were only minutes. Mr. Stokes, with a tear streaked face, was sitting next to her rubbing her back soothingly.

Sara walked over and stood near them, still silent. She knew that Nick's parents needed time to process what had happened before they would be able to talk. She only had to stand there for about a minute before they did, though.

"I can't believe this," Mrs. Stokes sobbed looking up at Sara and her husband, "I don't understand how we couldn't have known about this, I- I can't even think of which babysitter it could have been, I can't comprehend what is going on, it's like its some crazy dream."

"Mrs. Stokes," Sara whispered, "Nick has always loved to help people when they are upset, and he has never liked people knowing when he is upset because he doesn't like to worry people. Nick is so unselfish. Nick was only nine when this happened, he probably didn't know how to process it and he may have thought that he had done something wrong and therefore didn't want to get in trouble for it. I think that after years of this happening, he just couldn't think of any way to actually tell you."

Mr. and Mrs. Stokes looked up at her, listening intently to what she was saying.

"I remember a case two years ago that really hit Nick hard. He was working it with Catherine and it was really hard for him, but it didn't seem unusual to anyone because Nick has always had a hard time working cases involving children. A fourteen year old boy was found dead in his therapist's house. If I remember right, Nick found fibers all over the boys underpants and body of one of the therapists blanket. It looked as though she had molested him. Thinking about it now I know that Catherine had told me that Nick was getting too attached to the case and that she was going to pull him off it, but she never did. I think that she must have told him she was pulling him off and he must have decided that he had to tell her so that she would understand. Nick is absolutely amazing, you raised him well, I know that I wouldn't be able to go through all that Nick has and come out of it. He's trying so hard to get through this now, and I think that in order to get him through it, we have to get him through everything one thing at a time. Starting with what happened when he was nine."

Mr. Stokes nodded, "If we get him to talk about what happened when he was younger, we might be able to help heal that wound. You're right, Sara, we have to get him through everything that happened to him because he has never gotten over anything, because he's always kept everything bottled up inside. We need to help him."

Mrs. Stokes agreed, "But we have to find him first."

Nick looked behind him from where he was sitting in a clearing of trees overlooking the lake to see Sara approaching him. He turned his attention back to the lake and didn't speak when she laid down, resting her head in his lap like a pillow and looking up at him. He was ignoring her.

"Nick," she whispered, "Nicky, please talk to me."

Nick looked down at her with tears in his already red eyes and bit his lip, looking away quickly. "I'm sorry," he said, "I never should have told you about that, I shouldn't have freaked out on you, I'm sorry."

Sara sat up and took his face in her hands, making him look her in the eyes. "You're sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for alright? I am so sorry about everything that happened to you, and you were right, we did find it awkward to talk about and we didn't want to talk about it, we wanted you to talk about it. We all thought that if you needed to talk that you would, we didn't realize that you wouldn't."

"But I probably should have," Nick replied, "I always tried to keep things to myself, I thought that I could handle the nightmares that I've had every single night since I was nine, but I can't anymore, and now the nightmares are getting worse, the things that have happened are now happening in two's in my dream, I get shot and I'm locked in the box, Nigel Crane watches as the babysitter molests me and then he tries to kill me. I can't take it anymore, Sara." He looked down and started sobbing.

Sara wrapped her arms around him and held him as he sobbed, she was also crying. "Shh, it's alright," she whispered soothingly every few minutes. They sat there for a long time, crying and talking. Sara knew that as much as it hurt him to talk about everything it was also good for him, like a therapy. And as much time as it took, she would help him through everything. She decided later to call Grissom that night and tell him that she needed to take more time off, she needed to help Nick heal himself and she knew that it wasn't all going to happen in a few days. She got two more weeks off, and then she and Nick were expected to be back at work. She hoped that there would be enough time to get Nick through everything, but she figured that it would take much, much longer. But they had lots of time, they had forever, and she would be there for him forever.

"I love you," Nick whispered to Sara. She pulled away from the embrace and smiled at him.

"I love you, too, Nicky," She replied.

"No," Nick told her, "I mean I _really_ love you."

"So did I,"

Nick smiled and they hugged again. They really did have forever, because they both loved each other and, really, that was all that mattered.

THE END

Okay, this is really the end of this story. I really loved this story, and I thought that this was definitely the time to end it before it got boring. Please review, I really want to know what was thought of the final chapter. Thank you all so much for reading this story.


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